Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
