My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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