I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
