I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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