why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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