I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
