I think i peed on brittanys purse
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
