I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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