Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
