he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you told grandpa to call you daddy
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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