i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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