Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
