The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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