i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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