He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
