Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
