Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
