Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize