Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
