i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
