I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
