Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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