the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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