it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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