First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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