i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
