I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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