I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
