I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
