We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
