I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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