Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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