my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize