fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
