all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
