Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
