He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
