I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
