Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
