Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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