He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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