you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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