i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
false alarm, still single
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
