I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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