I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
