she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize