that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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