I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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