I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
