we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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