My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
