She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is Oprah even human
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
