I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize