I'm so fucking centered right now
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
