Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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