i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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