i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
