Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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