if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
