I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
