im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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