this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
