last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
