she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
