We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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