why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
