If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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