I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
