Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
