hotel room ftw
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
