I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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