ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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