Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize