so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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