The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
