All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
