just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I deserve this hangover.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
