he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
