How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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