Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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