I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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